most times, but sometimes

these days,
most times, I am happy and know that life is good
most times, I wear a natural smile -
most times, I am confident in who I am and where I am going
most times, I am surprised but elated to see pretty in the mirror
most times, I care less what others think about me
most times, I love me more than I ever have and
most times, I am optimistic about the future
                         But then, occasionally, . . . 
sometimes, I am overfilled with doubt
sometimes, anxiety, my old nemesis, creeps back in
sometimes, I sit in quiet introspection that is so loud it hurts
sometimes, I question myself, interrogate myself, torture myself to find answers
sometimes, I blame myself for the rejection
sometimes, I know it is my fault I am banned from my nephew's life
sometimes, I sob knowing he probably thinks I stopped loving him
sometimes, I think about him too long and cry for hours
sometimes, I think that if I had just tried a little harder, a little longer, I could be normal
sometimes, I think I should try again
sometimes, I hate me - again
sometimes, I feel utterly alone
sometimes, I am
sometimes, I fear that sometimes wont end, that sometimes will become most times
sometimes are extremely difficult for me
              but
most times are still far better and more frequent than sometimes
most times, these days, I am happy and know that life is good
most times, I love me more than I ever have
most times are good