I Got My Letter
Thursday, November
10th, is my birthday, and today I got a wonderful gift. I see it as
a gift of validation; it is confirmation that I am a woman. Today, I got my
letter! I never use exclamation marks, so this must be big news; it is big
news indeed. “What letter are you
squealing about?” my audience asks. Well . . .
For a transgender
person, a letter of recommendation from a therapist is a big deal. This means
that I am of sound mind, I am a woman, and I am ready for physical transition; it is validation that I am not confused about my
gender. This letter will be used by my doctor (I am seeing a doctor about this
tomorrow) to confirm the need for HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). It will also be sent to my insurance company
to show that my transition is medically necessary. If you are not transgender,
it is most likely difficult to grasp how significant this is for me. Much like Pinocchio
was excited to be a real boy, I am
excited to be real girl, but instead of a fairy godmother I have a
fantastic therapist.
I have been seeing
Lisa Cragar since June of 2015. She is an amazing therapist who is knowledgeable,
caring, and very helpful. I see her for more than my gender identity. She has
helped me to overcome the frequent panic attacks and depression that lead me to my darkest day. I highly recommend her if you need a therapist
in the Tahlequah area, but I even advise driving the 70 miles from Tulsa to see
her. In July of this year, I told Lisa that I was transgender; she was the
first person to whom I ever told my biggest secret. I cried quite a bit when I
told her. I was afraid of what she would think of me (even though I trusted
her), and I could not believe I had said it out loud to a person. Lisa was
amazingly kind. She assured me that I was normal; she made sure I knew there
was nothing wrong with me. And, that day she began the process of medically diagnosing
me as trans. Being transgender is not a mental illness, but the confirmation
diagnosis of a therapist is very helpful in the transition process. I
want to publicly thank Lisa for her kindness and all of her help thus far.
So, I got the
letter, which is very exciting. I am hopeful that my appointment tomorrow goes
well, and I can start HRT shortly after my birthday. I would like to spend this
year of my life physically moving toward the person I hid away for so long.
Many of you are wondering about me and SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery). Keep
wondering; you should never ask a trans person about SRS – we don’t ask you
about your private parts. “What do you want from HRT Olivia?” my audience asks
using the terms and acronyms they are learning. My biggest desire from HRT is softening of the
facial features. Facial hair will not stop growing, but it may slow and thin
out. Bone structure will not change, but if I am fortunate the fat deposits in
my face will be redistributed giving me a more feminine smile and making my
eyes look more feminine as well. I am 99% sure that I will never have FFS
(Facial Feminization Surgery) because of the enormous cost and the risk of terrible
results. So, I am very hopeful that HRT will make my face a little prettier. I
so want to be pretty.
Thank you all for the
support and love. I am on a journey of self-actualization, and am so happy that
I am not on this journey alone.
Olivia
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