I am not Alone

I know that I am not alone in the world. I have a family and group of friends who love me. Even the friends I mostly communicate with on social media are a large part of my support network (not as a trans person, but simply as a person). Everyone needs that, and I am happy not to be alone.

There is, however, another meaning to the tile “I am not Alone.” I am not alone in being a trans person who has attempted suicide.  In a 2015 article, scholars reported that, “(a)cross Europe, Canada, and the United States, 22–43 % of transgender (trans) people report a history of suicide attempts” (Bauer 1). As I wrote in another piece, my suicide was not based solely on my being trans; there were multiple factors. However, the depression I lived with for so many years was a direct result of pretending to be a boy.

            Whether we are transgender, cisgender, gay, straight, male female, we all feel the pressure to fit into a relentlessly unforgiving society. Societal standards are almost impossible for any of us to achieve. We are bombarded, from a young age, by images in entertainment and advertising of the ideal woman and the ideal man. We are shown unattainable standards. Also, we all learn early that there are social repercussions for deviating from cultural norms. This lesson is especially difficult for a trans person. We are normal; I repeat, trans people are normal, but very early in life we are told we are not. We not only learn the same lessons about “fitting in” as our cisgender peers, but we also learn that society believes something is wrong with us. If we are true to ourselves, at any age, we face bullying (both physical and verbal), threats of violence, and the very real possibility of being shunned by our peers and, even worse, our families.

            As trans people grow up and societal pressures push us to be “normal,” many of us develop depression and, “41% try to kill themselves at some point in their lives, compared with 4.6% of the general public. The numbers come from a study by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and the Williams Institute” (Ungar). Sadly, too many of my trans sisters and brothers are not as fortunate as me, and their suicide attempts are successful. I decided to stop pretending to be a boy (the only choice I made about being trans) after my suicide attempt. I have decided that I want to live the rest of my life as myself, and I want to be happy. Support from my friends and most of my family has been overwhelming, but the ones who have said mean things or decided to end our relationships do hurt me. However, I work to find the good in every day and focus on that.

            For Transgender Awareness Month, and beyond, I would like to offer a solution. We need to teach our children that some people’s brains do not align with their physical sex characteristics. That gender and biological sex are not correlates, and that gender is, in fact, not binary. Furthermore, we need to teach ourselves and our children that the unattainable male and female societal standards should not, must not, be goals for which to strive. We must change the way we react to trans people in public. If you cannot be nice, be quiet; remember what Thumper’s father said before he went to work. If someone does not fit societies idea of male or female, or if you can tell they are presenting as their true gender instead of their assigned one, do not say sir or mam; instead, just say thank you or hello. Taste your words, be nice, and imagine that I am, or another trans person is, your sibling or child. Remember that all of us are human. Together we can change society and save lives.

           

Works Cited

Bauer, Greta R., et al. "Intervenable Factors Associated with Suicide Risk in Transgender Persons: A Respondent Driven Sampling Study in Ontario, Canada." BMC Public Health 15.1 (2015): 1-15. Academic Search Elite. Web. 7 Nov. 2016

Ungar, Laura. “Transgender People Face Alarmingly High Rate of Suicide.” USA Today. (2015): Web. 7 Nov. 2016